Problems in Relationship
PROBLEMS IN RELATIONSHIPS
BY DAIRO EMMANUEL
Problems in relationships It's the rare relationships that doesn't run into a few bumps in the road. If you recognize ahead of time, though, what those relationship problems might be, you'll have a much better chance of getting past them. Even though every relationship has its ups and downs, successful couples have learned how to manage the bumps and keep their love life going, says marriage and family therapist Mitch Temple, author of The Marriage Turnaround . They hang in there, tackle problems, and learn how to work through the complex issues of everyday life.
Many do this by reading self-help books and articles, attending seminars, going to counseling, observing other successful couples, or simply using trial and error. Relationship Problems: 1. Communication All relationship problems starts from poor communication, according to Elaine Fantle Shimberg, author of Blending Families. "You can't communicate while you're checking your BlackBerry, watching TV, or flipping through the sports section," she says. Make an actual appointment with each other, Shimberg says. If you live together, put the cell phones on vibrate, put the kids to bed, and let voicemail pick up your calls.
If you can't "communicate" without raising your voices, go to a public spot like the library, park, or restaurant where you'd be embarrassed if anyone saw you screaming. Set up some rules. Try not to interrupt until your partner is through speaking.
Use body language to show you're listening. Don’t doodle, look at your watch, or pick at your nails. Nod so the other person knows you're getting the message, and rephrase if you need to. 2. Money Money problems can start even before the wedding vows are exchanged.
They can stem, for example, from the expenses of courtship or from the high cost of a wedding. Be honest about your current financial situation. If things have gone south, continuing the same lifestyle is unrealistic. Don't approach the subject in the heat of battle.
Instead, set aside a time that is convenient and non-threatening for both of you. Acknowledge that one partner may be a saver and one a spender, understand there are benefits to both, and agree to learn from each other's tendencies. Don't hide income or debt. Bring financial documents, including a recent credit report, pay stubs, bank statements, insurance policies, debts, and investments to the table.
Don't blame. Construct a joint budget that includes savings. Decide which person will be responsible for paying the monthly bills. Allow each person to have independence by setting aside money to be spent at his or her discretion. Decide upon short-term and long-term goals. It's OK to have individual goals, but you should have family goals, too.
3. Trust Trust is a key part of a relationship and this is also what breaks most relationships. Do you see certain things that cause you not to trust your partner? Or do you have unresolved issues that prevent you from trusting others? You and your partner can develop trust in each other by following these tips, Fay says. Be consistent. Be on time. Do what you say you will do. Don't lie -- not even little white lies to your partner or to others.
Be fair, even in an argument. Be sensitive to the other's feelings. You can still disagree, but don't discount how your partner is feeling. Call when you say you will. Call to say you'll be home late. Carry your fair share of the workload. Don't overreact when things go wrong. Never say things you can't take back. Don't dig up old wounds.
Respect your partner's boundaries. Don’t be jealous. Be a good listener. Even though there are always going to be problems in a relationship, but with this three problems avoided or managed, the relationship will be a very cool one.
BY DAIRO EMMANUEL
Problems in relationships It's the rare relationships that doesn't run into a few bumps in the road. If you recognize ahead of time, though, what those relationship problems might be, you'll have a much better chance of getting past them. Even though every relationship has its ups and downs, successful couples have learned how to manage the bumps and keep their love life going, says marriage and family therapist Mitch Temple, author of The Marriage Turnaround . They hang in there, tackle problems, and learn how to work through the complex issues of everyday life.
Many do this by reading self-help books and articles, attending seminars, going to counseling, observing other successful couples, or simply using trial and error. Relationship Problems: 1. Communication All relationship problems starts from poor communication, according to Elaine Fantle Shimberg, author of Blending Families. "You can't communicate while you're checking your BlackBerry, watching TV, or flipping through the sports section," she says. Make an actual appointment with each other, Shimberg says. If you live together, put the cell phones on vibrate, put the kids to bed, and let voicemail pick up your calls.
If you can't "communicate" without raising your voices, go to a public spot like the library, park, or restaurant where you'd be embarrassed if anyone saw you screaming. Set up some rules. Try not to interrupt until your partner is through speaking.
Use body language to show you're listening. Don’t doodle, look at your watch, or pick at your nails. Nod so the other person knows you're getting the message, and rephrase if you need to. 2. Money Money problems can start even before the wedding vows are exchanged.
They can stem, for example, from the expenses of courtship or from the high cost of a wedding. Be honest about your current financial situation. If things have gone south, continuing the same lifestyle is unrealistic. Don't approach the subject in the heat of battle.
Instead, set aside a time that is convenient and non-threatening for both of you. Acknowledge that one partner may be a saver and one a spender, understand there are benefits to both, and agree to learn from each other's tendencies. Don't hide income or debt. Bring financial documents, including a recent credit report, pay stubs, bank statements, insurance policies, debts, and investments to the table.
Don't blame. Construct a joint budget that includes savings. Decide which person will be responsible for paying the monthly bills. Allow each person to have independence by setting aside money to be spent at his or her discretion. Decide upon short-term and long-term goals. It's OK to have individual goals, but you should have family goals, too.
3. Trust Trust is a key part of a relationship and this is also what breaks most relationships. Do you see certain things that cause you not to trust your partner? Or do you have unresolved issues that prevent you from trusting others? You and your partner can develop trust in each other by following these tips, Fay says. Be consistent. Be on time. Do what you say you will do. Don't lie -- not even little white lies to your partner or to others.
Be fair, even in an argument. Be sensitive to the other's feelings. You can still disagree, but don't discount how your partner is feeling. Call when you say you will. Call to say you'll be home late. Carry your fair share of the workload. Don't overreact when things go wrong. Never say things you can't take back. Don't dig up old wounds.
Respect your partner's boundaries. Don’t be jealous. Be a good listener. Even though there are always going to be problems in a relationship, but with this three problems avoided or managed, the relationship will be a very cool one.
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